Failed. Again.

by Katie Harding on June 2, 2025

I failed the test. Again.

I had just read my devotional, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, and was struck by this comment: Many of us prefer to stay at the threshold of the Christian life instead of going on to construct a soul in accordance with the new life God has put within. We fail because we are ignorant of the way we are made, we put things down to the devil instead of our own undisciplined natures. I understand it so much better in hindsight than I did in the moment. Wrapping up my time with the Lord that morning, I had saved the last five minutes for prayer — a quiet time of listening to and conversing with Jesus. It’s usually a wonderful time of solitude and silence. But that day it wasn’t.

Right after I closed my eyes for prayer, my husband came downstairs to the kitchen to make his breakfast, which included getting a bowl out of the cupboard, opening the freezer, and unzipping the bags of nuts. We aren’t usually impacted by the closeness we experience in our home; in fact, we love it. Except…except when I am trying to have a quiet time of devotions and prayer. Before the pandemic, my husband went to his office every morning, but now he works from home four days a week. So, over the past five years, it’s been more challenging to find an hour of silence. Recently, however, we agreed on some boundaries for the hour, but that day we both forgot. I forgot to remind him I was starting and when I would be stopping, and he forgot to wait until I was finished.

Therein lies the opportunity to be tested. When things don’t go as we want, that is when we display the changes (or still-needed changes) God is making in our lives; those that are sticking and those that need some more “glue” before they will stick well. That morning, it was as if I had never read the devotion which warned me to be careful of moods and take myself by the scruff of my neck and shake the moods away when they come. Chambers reminds us, “Moods never go by praying, moods go by kicking.” But that morning proved the point; I had more work to do. I had just read the devotion and studied my Bible, and there I was, not only in a mood but also submitting to it as I noisily set my dishes on the counter and marched myself upstairs in frustration.  

I have come to the conclusion that most of life is a test as we work out “with fear and trembling” what God has worked in. Each day is an opportunity to see if what we claim to profess is what we actually possess when moments arise. Each moment is another part of the test. How will we answer the questions posed to us? Will we pass or will we miss the mark? Will we sin? That’s what sinning means: to miss the mark. Sometimes we will show Jesus to those around us, and other times we won’t. Unfortunately, we miss the mark on this test of life more often than we care to admit because we are no different from Paul. Even he said, “When I want to do good. I don’t. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway…Wretched man that I am.”*

But over time, as we stop and think before we respond to “each question,” we have the opportunity to get more answers right than wrong until we get to the point in certain areas of life where we habitually choose the right and reject the wrong. But until we do, we will keep encountering situations where we can be tested. Tested to practice what we profess. Tested to show the Spirit’s presence. Tested to walk out what God has placed within. Tested to practice submission and sacrifice. Every day, each moment is part of the test. Will we pass or will we miss the mark? And when we miss the mark, will we apologize and practice forgiveness and offer the grace God offers to us, as I had to do with my husband? What changes do you need to make today? What do you need to do differently to pass your tests?

*Scripture Reference: Romans 7:19, 24